Internal Monologue of a Southbound Bird

There is nothing left

Reason to live? 

Not for my own 

For God, friends, family, and my future students

I’m not living for me

But then I think, no I am

I am what I want?

Job, friends, choices

Thankful

People would kill to have things I have, experiences I have had, and the ones to come

How does emptiness occur?

How does pain happen?

God is missing?

Fully recommit back to Him

There is an eagerness

A hunger

I want

Want

Loving

Lasting

Relationships on earth

NO

Look toward heavenly things

Lay up for heaven

It hurts

Hurt

Cry

Days pass

Death lingers near

Would it be better if I...

I long for more

What to do?

Follow God’s plan

Nothing good ever came from not following His plan

Live the life

Try

I’m stuck

Work harder? But I’m always working

Lazy, tired, worthless

I’ll try

Be like Him

God grant me wisdom

Grant me peace

Grant me love

Grant me kindness

Help me.

I’m drowning.