G-Pain

In life there will always come a time to experiment. There are some things I wish to experience more in life but I do now know which things I don't want to experience again. Among those things could be a bloody nose, the stomach flu, a rocky roller coaster, wearing spandex, ect...but I'm referring to more critical experiences which society tells us is the only way to have fun. I'm referring to drinking. Now I'm not saying it's wrong because it's not wrong at all! I'm just choosing right now at this moment in my life that I will not participate in that activity again. For one the after taste is terrible and two it makes my stomach sour turn sour.

Full circles are inevitably avoidable and heartbreaking. I already knew this but just the fact that it is true stinks. Problems are always and will always be there with or without the help of others. And why have I become this unmotivational girl (to myself) with no want to do well in anything in life. Well, that's a lie. I do want to do well but I just feel as if something is not there. Something is missing in the process. Trying and retrying to get it right over and over again and continually failing is making me calloused to the problems of life. It's to the point where I just don't care because the problems have been there ultimately my entire adolescents and now follow me into adulthood.

The devil is so cruel and I am an idiot to follow and stumble day in and day out. I don't seek God often enough for reassurance. He is my LORD, my Savior; He is Life. How can I avoid Him like I have my entire adolescents? It is utterly impossible for me to believe what has happened. I wonder if He cries out always? Is God always in pain? And if He were then wouldn’t His Heaven be more like Hell for Him? Yet for those in Heaven it would be “Heaven” as they say? How is it possible that somewhere so ideal, a paradise, a utopia can also be filled with the thoughts of Gods pain and suffering because of the worlds shortcomings? These are questions. I’m not stating these ideas as facts, just pondering the spectacular love of our Almighty and Powerful God.

Challenge:

Suppose my inquiries are true and that you are the cause of His pain. Strive to be a better person and be one less spear in His side, one less thorn on His head, one less tear He must shed.

The Time Has Come

The time has come for Kayla to change. The change will happen with in myself. I have no idea how I will accomplish this but it will happen. I have lived my life far to long in this black whole of what I call....well I'm not going to give that information away...but it's been to long, and I'm getting out of control. I want my life back. I want to be free again. I want to feel as though I can make it again. I want to care again. I want to love again. I want to have a sincere smile again. I want to care more and more again.

1) Read One Proverb out of the Bible a day and reflect on it.
2) Pray at least 3 times a day.
3) Work out 3-4 times a week.
4) Keep my room clean.
5) Stand up for myself.
6) Not be so inappropriate (even if that's who I am sometimes)
7) Take all my necessary daily medications DAILY
8) Be more responsible
9) Be more in tune with those around me.
10) Go to class, do my hw, and strive to give everything I've got to reach the level of potential that God has intended for me to have at this time in my life.

Does this sound very self centered? Most likely, but I have taken a year and two months to better my self and have gotten absolutely NO WHERE. This time I will stick to my guns. This time I will read. This time I will ask for help. This time is for me. This time is for my health. This time is for my friends. This time is for my family. This time is for my art. This time is for my God.